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"Although most boys figure out how to bring themselves to orgasm by age thirteen, half of girls don't have their first orgasm until their late teens, twenties, or beyond...The cultural focus on intercourse tells young women to expect they'll begin to experience sexual pleasure once they have sex with a man (whether or not they're even interested in sex with men). Nearly all teen boys, on the other hand, experience sexual pleasure long before they get their hands - or other body parts - into a partner's pants.
Despite the massive advances in women's equality, young women's sexuality is stuck in a surprising paradox. Young women are sold provocative clothes but aren't taught where to find their own clitoris. Many girls give their boyfriends oral sex, but are too uncomfortable with their own bodies to allow the guys to return the favor. It's still a radical act to say that women need and deserve access to information about their own sexual pleasure - not just about the risks and negative consequences of sex."
-Dorian Solot & Marshall Miller, I Heart Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide
"Lacking the words to describe our sexual desires and arousal, our feelings of desire, of wanting to connect physically and sexually, these feelings are often ‘translated’ into the more acceptable feelings of being wanted, words of romance, love intimacy, and even enticement...[We] are bombarded by media images that promote sexual availability but also clear social condemnation of girls and women who express sexual agency – who act on their own feelings and think of themselves as well as their partner in a sexual situations.
This script is so strongly sanctioned in our society that it produces tension between being sexy but not being sexual. And so it’s understandable that girls enter adulthood feeling confused and not knowing how to be sexual in a positive way. Our social scripts actually preempt basic recognition of our sexual needs or rights...Women are only taught how to say 'no,' not how to say 'yes.'"
-Deborah L. Tolman, Ed.D., Meg I. Striepe, Ph.D, and Lucia F. O’Sullivan, PhD. “How do we define sexual health for women?” The Complete Guide to Mental Health for Women
“Women [are taught to] to view their bodies as objects, things to be evaluated and commented upon. Women seem to relate to their bodies from the outside, as the image they see in a mirror or reflected in another’s eyes. Because women, from girlhood on, are constantly judged and evaluated on the basis of the appearance…they internalize such a perspective…[This] habitual self-monitoring of the body increases women’s shame and anxiety while reducing awareness of internal bodily states.
Looking at your body as an object is in contrast to relating to your body as a process, an experience rather than a thing. It’s the difference between ‘feeling strong’ and ‘looking good.’ When you feel strong, you’re aware of what your body can do; when you look good, you’re aware of your image.”
-Basow, Susan A., Ph.D. “Body Image.” The Complete Guide to Mental Health for Women
"This is what people don’t understand. That is part of the confusion and the shame. Most people want to know – was there penetration, was there intercourse, but what really destroys people with molestation is the shame, guilt, and confusion because most abusers are people you love. If someone is abusing or torturing you, causing you pain, you are far more likely to tell someone. But when you are a child, if you are seduced, and someone does it well, it feels good. And people say, if it felt good, you must have wanted it. And that is not the case. It’s abuse regardless of how it felt at the time that it was happening."
-Oprah Winfrey
"Suppressing female sexual agency is a key element of rape culture, and therefore...fostering genuine female sexual autonomy is necessary in fighting back against it...Clearly this is just one part of a much larger struggle - we don't believe that empowering female sexuality is the answer to dismantling rape culture, or that it will stop all rape, nor is sexual freedom the only cost of rape. But until we start shining a light on all the dark corners of sexual shame and blame projected onto us by American culture, we're going to keep spinning our wheels.”
-Jaclyn Friedman & Jessica Valenti. Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape.
